Childhood Ruined...And Its Cost

Today, I read this article that I found quite profound. Here's the link:

21 Shameful Ways We Are Forcing Children To Be Sissies

I don't know that I agree with the word sissies...first, because I don't even like that word; it is a bully's word. But secondly, I also think it is a word that is generally used to describe boys and this isn't just a boy issue.

I have made TONS of mistakes parenting, and I continue to make mistakes every single freaking day. I lose my temper, I yell, I go overboard, I don't have enough patience. But one mistake I haven't made is making my kids too dependent. I love them like crazy and would do anything for them, and because of that, I want them to learn to stand on their own two feet. I'm not always going to be there; I want them to reach adulthood with the skills to survive.

For example, I haven't sat at a table and done homework with a child NIGHTLY since my kids were in, oh, second grade or so. After that, I expected them to do homework on their own and ask for help as needed. Because homework is THEIR job. I have other stuff to do at night besides sit beside them and watch them work. I have always been more than willing to stop what I was doing to help with work they don't understand or a project or to quiz a child on spelling, but I should not have to stand over my children and "make sure" they complete their homework. And I'm not going to. A good teacher knows that homework is supposed to be practice of the stuff they learned in class that day...not new stuff they can't do alone. My kids know what is expected, and they do it. And I assume that they will. If I discovered differently, I would lower the boom on them, but that has never really happened.

I also try really hard to let my kids express themselves, both in their looks and in their ideas. If my daughter wants her hair dip-dyed purple, we dip-dye it purple. So what? It is HAIR. Color it, cut it, heck shave it off...doesn't matter. It grows back. When she wanted to dress "like a boy" every day, I let her. I didn't love it and occasionally I would suggest maybe she could TRY something girlier, but I didn't push. My son HATES getting his hair cut....so it grows. So what? I also try not to get involved with friend-related issues, and that is really hard sometimes especially with the girl child. If one of the children has a friend that makes my skin crawl, I will ask about that kid in an effort to find out what my kid sees in him/her. I might even warn my child, but I do NOT forbid friendships...I refuse to force my kids to sneak around.

I also don't really believe in harassing the kids about their rooms. I mean, if company is coming, then I will ask them to clean it, but if not, that's really kinda on them. If they want to live in a pig sty, more power to em. My room was ALWAYS a wreck when I was a teen, and it is a wreck sometimes now because mine is the last room in the house to get cleaned. Do I sometimes mention it? Of course. And I REALLY don't want dishes left in their rooms...that's my only real rule.

 And as far as ideas, we try to talk about it. Sometimes that is hard because if you remember ANYTHING about being a teen, you remember how little you thought your parents knew. Sometimes I get irritated and have to walk away, but I am glad they have their own ideas....even if sometimes I walk away feeling like my son just wants to watch the world burn. LOL. And if we argue about ideas, in some weird way it makes me really proud. I am very happy when they stick to what they believe even when I disapprove or disagree.

And above all, I try to be as honest as possible with them. I know my husband thinks that I overshare with the kids, and I am guilty as charged. But I grew up in a family in a time when people kept lots of secrets, and I don't want my kids to feel like they never know what is going on. Sometimes I'm probably more brutally honest than I have to be, but that is just the person I am. When they know I will tell them the truth, I feel like they also know that they can trust me...I'm always on their side even when I don't agree or approve. I support them.

Do I overindulge them? Of course. Do I always hold them as responsible for things as I should? Not even close. Do I have pretty high expectations of them? Oh boy, do I. And do they live up to them? You betcha.