Honesty and Autism...What My Little Friends Know That YOu Don't

I spend the bulk of my days surrounded by awesome little people. Seriously folks.

It is funny to me when people tell me that they couldn't do what I do or that I have a heart of gold or whatever. It's HILARIOUS actually.



I'm SOOOOOOOO flawed. I'm terribly needy, terribly jealous, deeply afraid of being abandoned by the people who say they love me. I'm impatient, a worrier, testy, and I HATE repeating myself. I mentally correct people's grammar, get ticked off when people are late, and constantly feel like I'm not getting back as much love as I put out. I worry that the people I love the most are replacing me with other people if I am not there. In short, I'm a pretty awful human. But guess what?

My little pals don't care. My little pals never hold a grudge. They don't care if I'm having a bad hair day or my clothes look like crap. They don't care if I don't have a PhD. They just want me THERE. They don't need a perfect teacher with perfect lesson plans who has it all together; they need a teacher who cares more about communicating than teaching.....who cares more about why than what. What they want more than anything else is what we ALL want...they strive for connection. But the wires are all loose.



There is a prevailing myth that people with autism don't express emotion...that you get very little back from them. For the most part that is CRAP. My little buddies give me so much back everyday. It is a matter of knowing how to listen. And what I get back is very pure. I NEVER overthink or second-guess whether they are happy, whether they love me, whether they are feeling angry or sad. No ulterior motives. No agendas. A moment of connection, a smile, a hug, a happy little song is worth its weight in gold. More often than not, I bask in a little warm pool of pure love from them...with the occasional slap or scratch (or scream right in my face) just to keep me grounded! :)



Maybe it seems second nature to me because I love puzzles and autism is like a puzzle...one where I have no picture to use as a guide....or maybe one with no edge pieces to help. I wish I could convinvce the world that people with autism just ROCK. Yeah yeah yeah. They can be frustrating, unyielding, obsessive, too loud, hyperfocused.....but that really also describes most people I know at one time or another. It CERTAINLY describes me.



This week, one of my students has started asking for me while he is at home. That is a BIG FREAKING DEAL. You don't understand. That's like a Grammy, an Emmy, an Oscar, and a Pulitzer Prize all mixed up together....except in the long run it means so much more to me that any of those things. It means I'm IN HIS WORLD. Even when we are not at school. He thinks about me...in a good way. I LOVE him.