Most Important Friend

I know I haven't posted in a really long time. This is a crazy time of year, and frankly I just didn't have anything to talk about. But this week, something kind of unusual happened to me, and I feel like I need to share.

I have this friend "Susan" who called me because she was struggling with something. She was very reluctant to tell me about it, even though it was clearly bothering her. She prefaced her concerns by telling me that after I heard what she had to say, I would probably not want to be her friend anymore and would probably head for the hills.

See, Susan has bought into the idea that she is crazy and everyone around her is sane. She really believes that the things she feels would be foreign to anyone else.

So she tells me that she feels hurt that I chose to do something with another friend instead of calling her. She wanted to know if I ever thought about calling her. Then she begged me not to think that she didn't ever want me to do anything with other people....

Interestingly, though, she really didn't have to explain much to me. It didn't take me long to ascertain that she wasn't jealous, but she feels like she loves her friends more than they love her.

I understand that feeling FAR TOO WELL.

I've basically been told that in one form or another all my life.

I struggle with that same feeling quite often.

See, for Susan it isn't about wanting to be someone's ONLY friend...not at all. It is about wanting to be someone's MOST IMPORTANT friend. She wants a friendship in which she KNOWS without a doubt that if that other person could choose only one or two people out of ALL their friends to spend time with, that other person would pick her. It isn't a matter of that person ALWAYS calling her and never anyone else. It is the idea of knowing that if that person had to pick their MOST IMPORTANT friend, it would be her.



I feel that way too...lots of times. I have a total complex that I am nothing but a burden to people. I'm quite introverted and am truly only comfortable with a handful of people, and enumerating most two most important friends is a complete no brainer.

Given the choice, I would spend time with only those two friends. But the truth is, if I have asked someone to do something with me and have been turned down more than once (esp if that person then goes to do the very same activity with another friend), I start to wonder if that person didn't want to do the activity or just didn't want to do it with ME.  I don't like pushing myself on people, and I have a deep-seated need to know that people are consciously CHOOSING me....that I'm not just a fall-back person (which is like being the platonic friendship version of the "side piece") :)

Are we the oddballs here?
Do others feel this way? I'm guessing the answer has to be yes, but are the others only people found in mental institutions?!? :)

People like Susan and me need the big gesture. We need to hear fairly often that we really do mean something to our friends and loved ones. And we really do need that one friend that we KNOW without a doubt would always pick us. Because, well, you know that when the zombie apocalypse comes, allegiances are hard to come by. :D

So I guess the point of all this is, lots of you out there might not be like us. Maybe you are a total extrovert who is convinced that everyone loves you. No joke. I'm guessing there are really people out there like that. Or maybe you are such a loner that you don't care about that. But if you have someone special in your life who is like us, I'm giving you a special guide for our care and feeding. Please acknowledge us as your most important friend if that is the way you feel. It isn't that we doubt  being loved; it is more that we doubt being loved in any special way, despite the fact that we LOVE others in that way. We really need to get it back. We need to occasionally feel really special