Thoughts About Friendship and Love at Christmas

Last night, I was having a conversation with my mom about the nature of true friendship. It isn't really a traditional topic for us on Christmas Day, but it just came up because Mom had something on her mind....musings about how differently people view friendship and what that means. Then, "coincidentally" the same topic came up while I was watching Dr. Who.

Doctor Who - Season 8 - Dark Water

Clara: You’re going to help me?
The Doctor: Well, why wouldn’t I help you?
Clara: Cos of what I just did. I just…
The Doctor: You betrayed me. Betrayed my trust, you betrayed our friendship, you betrayed everything that I’ve ever stood for. You let me down!
Clara: Then why are you helping me?
The Doctor: Why? Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?

Those of you who really know me will know that the reason for the quotation marks is that I don't believe in coincidence.

This tiny Dr. Who segment might be the truest statement about the nature of love that I have ever heard. It's just......fact. I have a handful of friends in my life (two really) who I can honestly say that I doubt that betrayal would change a thing. I don't do love with a contingency plan. There is no pre-nup or backup plan. I don't love them and do things for them with a checklist of what they must do in return.

And on occasion, I've been let down. It happens. Nothing is perfect. There have been times that I haven't gotten back the care and love I have put in. There are times when I have felt left out, neglected, or ignored. That just happens. BUT there have been lots more times that I have gotten back what I put in in ABUNDANCE. But that ISN'T really the point at all. Friendship isn't really about what you are going to receive....you know, like Christmas.

Love is an action. Love is a promise. And friendship is a deep promise in my world. In some ways, it could seem like such a risk. Friends are not bound to you by some contract. You don't have to divorce a friend. Theoretically, there is nothing to keep you from turning your back and walking away from your friend (who without friendship is nothing more than a random stranger). Friendship can't try to glue itself together with sex or kids or responsibilities.

For me, though, the bonds of friendship are a lifeline that keeps me sane. Friends stave off depression and help me fight crippling insecurity. And, frankly, reinforce the idea that I am valuable.

And because of that, there is no end to what I am willing to give; that's what friends do, especially in the Southern tradition. Is that always totally healthy for me? Maybe not. But that isn't going to change it, and I truly don't care. Have you read The Giving Tree? I cry every time I read it because I relate to the tree....not AT ALL because my friends treat me like the boy treats the tree. But because if they had the inclination to treat me that way, I wouldn't stop it. My life is sort of built around giving; I'm not saying that to make myself sound good...it probably makes me sound like a doormat. It is just in my nature to give and try not to ask for much.

So the Doctor is right; there isn't a lot that should change real love. And friendship is a truly special subset of love. A daily choice. And a choice that I will continue to make, over and over. I will never regret loving my sweet friends.