Robin Williams and Suicide

I'm as shocked as anyone else that Robin Williams apparently took his own life today. I didn't know him, but like everyone else, he seems like an old friend. Dead Poet's Society, Good Will Hunting, Fisher King, Aladdin, Good Morning Vietnam, Jumanji, Hook, Mrs. Doubtfire, Nine Months, The Birdcage….. he has always been there.

What isn't surprising is that Robin Williams suffered from depression, which is exceedingly common among comedians. People mistakenly believe that comedians are happy….that's why people are so surprised when people like Chris Farley and John Belushi drug themselves into an early grave. The manic happy thing is a mask, guys. Comedians tend to be misfits, introverts, cynics, and come from a troubled past. They can find nuggets of humor in some of the bleakest parts of life. That is a coping mechanism. It makes us laugh because we know how true it is. We relate. And that is like comedian therapy. But it isn't always enough because the audience isn't going to go home with the comedian at the end of the night.

I think Robin Williams was probably closer to himself in the more serious roles…I think that is when the mask slips a little.

Let me tell you folks a little something about depression---it isn't a weakness of character. It isn't selfishness or self-indulgence. The people I know who suffer from depression are some of the strongest people I know. That is why they are still alive right now. When depression is serious, the person has to make a decision that suicide is NOT an option. Otherwise those little intrusive voices in their heads are always telling them how much of a burden they are on others. How no one REALLY loves them or wants them around because it is just too much trouble. How their loved ones' lives would be so much happier without their baggage. I'm not saying that making the decision to stay alive makes those voices go away, but the decision does provide a certain sense of resolve.

I know a little bit about this issue. It is not easy or desirable to put this out in the open, but I think that it needs saying. Depression follows my OCD like a shadow….kinda like on that Abilify commercial. You know, the one where the lady is taking her meds but is still being followed by the dark cloud. I'm happy and content a lot, but when I'm not, I'm REALLY not. Like today. I'm so not OK today. If you could get inside my head and hear all the awful things that I hear about myself. And I KNOW I am not the sum total of those things. I guess I know. That little voice in my head that tells me that no one loves me and EVERYONE is lying and putting up with me just to not hurt my feelings….that asshat needs to go. I just don't need to hear that anymore.

Suicide is obviously not the right answer. Nor is it the only answer. I know that. You know that. Robin Williams knew that. Unfortunately, when he lost focus and started listening to the little whispers, he didn't have anyone there to remind him. (And people with depression don't like to ask for or accept help because we don't want to be a burden. )We all need people around us willing to do that.