Marital Cheating...WTH?

So today, as further proof of the fact that the world is disintegrating...or people are losing their minds...I read an article on Huffpost about an app called Whisper App. It is a place where people can post their cheating secrets--about cheating on their spouses, thinking about cheating, or getting ready to cheat. WTH? Seriously....

I was already frustrated and fuming a little as I read some of the things people have posted, but then I came to the one that set me off. It said something like, "I'm thinking about cheating...I have a good reason. But I don't know if I can live with the guilt." Well, you had better keep thinking because clearly you are confused.

There is NEVER A GOOD REASON TO CHEAT...ever. Period. No discussion necessary or desired. If you are reading this and saying, "but but but", you are WRONG. Cheating is nothing but a selfish, narcissistic, attention-whore thing to do. Cheating should NEVER be an option, and no one has the right to try to excuse that behavior for any reason. Don't write me any ugly responses because I don't want to hear it.

If you don't want to be faithful, get a divorce. Better yet, don't get married in the first place. Marriage is one partner til death do you part. That is a very easy concept. It isn't "until sex gets routine or boring". It isn't "until he makes you mad or until she gets fat". Love is hard work and relationships are hard work, and no relationship has ever been improved because a spouse started cheating.

There is just no situation in which I would EVER consider cheating on my husband. I was going to say that I am just not capable of doing that, but that's not it at all. If I weren't capable, it would sound like it was not in my control. I am as capable as anyone else, but I am completely UNWILLING. My husband deserves my undivided loyalty. My fidelity is one thing he should never have to worry about, especially as a military member. The last thing I want him to worry about when he is deployed is whether I am being faithful to him...that should never even be a blip on his radar.

Oh, and please don't ever say these words to me: "Well, you know, then one thing led to another...and it just happened." No. No no no no no. It is always a choice. a man and woman weren't just sitting in a room having a harmless conversation and then POOF! they tripped and their clothes fell off. (I was going to be more graphic about that because I'm stirred up, but I decided to act like a grownup :) )

Cheating is the most degrading, demoralizing thing that one spouse can do to another. I feel fortunate that I have not had to confront this issue in my own life---I have never to my knowledge had a significant other who cheated. Of course, I have only had TWO significant others in my whole life and have been married to one of them for 21 years....and the other one I never had sex with. But when I try to imagine myself in the place of several of my friends who HAVE been cheated on, I just don't know how they have been strong enough to get back into the dating game after all that. I don't know how you trust again. The one person who is supposed to protect your heart as if it is his/her own is the person that betrays you in the worst way....how do you trust lesser mortals after that?

Once again, this seems to come down to being able to accept personal responsibility for one's actions. Society doesn't make people cheat, porn doesn't make people cheat, boredom doesn't make people cheat. People cheat because there is something they feel like they need from their relationships that they are not getting. Well, you know what? You aren't EVER going to get those things without ASKING for them. The answer isn't looking outside your relationship. Why don't you try communicating?

Are We Ruining Our Kids?

Happy Monday before Thanksgiving! I am so thankful for many things, but I am especially thankful for this opportunity to express myself in a structured way. I really hope that my blog posts have hit home with some of you and that you are enjoying them. :)

I'm vlogging on this topic today. But before you watch my vlog, I would like you to peruse the article that really started me thinking about this topic again. Here is the link to the article:

Are We Raising a Generation of Helpless Kids?

Then you can hit the link below to take you to my vlog:

Stacy's Helicopter Parent/Ruined kids Vlog

And if you aren't sure whether you are a helicopter parent or not, there is a great quiz for it at Helicopter Parent Quiz

The Lululemon Scandal...Can Everyone Wear Yoga Pants?

I don't know if you are following the scandal at Lululemon or if you even know what Lululemon is. I'm going to give it to you in a nutshell. Lululemon is a women's athletic wear company specifically focused on yoga pants. They were in the news a while back because the yoga pants they were producing were found to be too sheer by the customers. It was weird since they had not previously been too sheer and the company said they had not changed anything about the way the pants were constructed.

Now the company is in hot water over comments made by the Lululemon founder Chip Wilson. He was addressing a new issue...the fact that the pants had an area of fabric between the thighs that pilled up a little with significant wear. And what he said is WILDLY unpopular with women across the country. Basically this is what he said:

When speaking about how some customers' complained about the pants' fabric pilling, Mr Wilson  continued: 'It’s really about the rubbing through the thighs, how much pressure is there over a period of time and how they much they use it.'

The founder's remarks caused Bloomberg TV host Trish Regan to cut in and ask: 'Interesting, not every woman can wear a Lululemon yoga pant?'

Mr Wilson responded: 'No, I think they can. I just think it’s how you use it.'

OK. So maybe he isn't Mr. Sensitivity. Let me tell you, though, I am getting ready to drop the thun-thun-thun. I'm about to say some things that are going to be unpopular...and I might make some people angry. But I told you guys when I started this blog that I was going to call things the way I see them....and sometimes that requires skewering the things I think are stupid. You don't have to agree.
Here goes:

As to the "too sheer" issue:

1. Many women wear their yoga pants at least one size too small. Lululemon doesn't even MAKE a pant larger than size 12. If you pack a big ole Kim Kardashian ass into a size 12 yoga pant, the fabric is going to become see-through. That is a fact. Deal with it.

2. Yoga pants are meant for YOGA CLASS!!! They are not pants meant to be worn out shopping or to school or work. They are not regular clothing. You wouldn't go to the mall in your jog bra and no top...you shouldn't be out in your yoga pants. I know they are comfortable. I get it. And I'm not condemning you if you do it; I've done it before. I'm only saying that the "too sheer" problem might not have been an issue if the women were only wearing them in the gym.

As to the thigh rubbing together pilling issue:

Most of our thighs rub together. Even when I was as thin as I have ever been, my thighs touched...that is the way I am built. The thigh gap is mostly a myth. Most of the time that is photoshopped into model photos. The women who are so thin they have thigh gaps usually aren't in the gym anyway. If your thigh rub together, there is going to be pilling on your pants unless they are made from that super shiny lycra. Eventually if your thighs rub together, you are going to wear out your yoga pants...especially if you wear them ALL THE FREAKING TIME! (see the rant above)

That being said, there might be people who are not meant to wear yoga pants. I'm not shaming larger women at all....I'm not skinny Minny myself. I think all women need comfortable workout clothes that fit their bodies appropriately. But if you are 300 pounds, yoga pants are NOT that...and Lululemon doesn't make clothes in that size anyway. I want the bigger women to be at the gym working on their fitness like everyone else, and I think tighter lycra foundation garments really do help keep everything from jiggling around in a painful way. But I know that I usually wear stuff like that under other shorts or with a longer top because I don't necessarily think everyone wants to see every unflattering bump, bulge, and cottage cheesy mound. And I have plenty of those. I appreciate the movement to make women more comfortable with our bodies, regardless of our size....that's a good thing. But let's not let it go so far that we lose sight of the idea that some things are just not made for some bodies. I know I CANNOT wear the Rock Star pants from Old Navy no matter how much I want to. I cannot wear boyshort underwear with any level of comfort. I really don't fit well into ANY pair of pants sold at American Eagle or Aeropostale. I don't write angry letters to those companies, I just accept it and move on to stores that cater to women instead of girls. The world doesn't revolve around me....or you...or the skinny girls.

So Mr. Wilson might be kinda jerkish in his delivery, but I can't say that he was factually wrong about what he said or that he should have been forced to issue that apology. I'm not sure he has anything to feel sorry about. He has a right to his opinion and it is HIS company. If you don't like it, don't buy his WAY TOO EXPENSIVE-ASS athletic clothes. That's YOUR right....exercise it. See what I did there? LOL.

Girls Who Fight Are Trashy...Period.

By now, I'm sure most of you have seen my status from last night about the woman in the car next to me. You might have even seen the few seconds of video I posted. What the heck? I can only assume that the lady who jumped out of her car knew the people in the other car and there had been some kind of confrontation prior to the other people driving off in their car. I hope. I really do hope that the very angry lady didn't take such drastic action simply out of road rage. Either way, while it was a little funny and certainly unexpected, that kind of thing is scary.

And it isn't the first time I have seen it THIS WEEK. A few days ago, Sarah and I were coming out of Hobby Lobby, and there was this relatively young chick...I would say early to mid twenties....pacing (almost running) back and forth in the parking lot, screaming at someone on her cell. Her side of the conversation sounded something like this:
     "Do you F***ING her me talking?!?!? Who the F**K do you think I am?!? ..."

Sarah and I exchanged glances and giggled a little once we got to the car, but I wouldn't have let the girl see me laughing because she looked like she might cut me....even with her hair in rollers, her fuzzy slippers on, and in her pj's. Oh, and let's not forget the HUGE hoop earrings.

The level of people's anger and their lack of control over it scares me. Too many people seem to just let their anger fly all over everyone around them without any embarrassment or concern for other's feelings. And truly it seems to be escalating; I've seen people go off on cashiers, servers, and sales clerks, even when those people have no control over a situation. It seems to have gotten to a place where people believe that our "freedom of speech" gives us a free pass to be abusive when we feel like it....and that is so not the case.

Conflict resolution is something parents need to be teaching kids from infancy. We aren't born knowing how to negotiate...we are born with only fight or flight. We have to be taught to talk it out. It has to be modeled to us. And it isn't happening. Young people are increasingly going straight to fists; they don't even TRY to talk....they don't even stop to think whether they might have misunderstood/misheard/misconstrued a situation. As a teacher, I bear witness so often to students fighting at the drop of a hat....and increasingly it is GIRLS who are fighting. That is SO trashy. Girls aren't supposed to pound on each other. But girl or boy, it doesn't make the participants look very smart; in my opinion, fighting is for people whose brains and vocabularies are too small to participate in verbal discourse. IN OTHER WORDS, PEOPLE ARE SHOWING UP UNARMED TO A BATTLE OF WITS. 

Student: "But Mrs. Henry, he said my momma's a prostitute..."
Me: "And? Is your momma a prostitute?"
Student: "No"
Me: "Does he even KNOW your momma?"
Student: "No"
Me: "And didn't I just hear you tell him that he had so many gaps in his teeth that he looked like a picket fence?"
Student: ......
Me: "That is called being able to dish it out but not take it. What right do you have to be mad when YOU started it?"

I bet you think I'm kidding.

Our society is going to be in trouble (might already be) if we don't do a better job teaching our kids to handle confrontation. Kids that can't deal with negative emotions in some kind of therapeutic way could very easily decide that they need to take that weapon to school/ church/ the mall. And we KNOW that nothing good comes out of adolescents with weapons. It is our job to raise our kids to be good citizens of the world. MODEL IT, PEOPLE!!! :)

Vlog about Time and Regret

OK. So here it is---my very first Vlog. It is about a rather painful topic, but it is really important. I hope that you will take the time to watch it and give me some feedback. I enjoyed doing it despite not liking to watch myself! :) Just click on the link below:

Stacy's first vlog

Mean Girls?!? Really?!?

We all know what they are right? Mean girls I mean. We've met them, and some of us have probably even been them. I was kinda under the impression that mean girls mostly disappear after high school or certainly by the time college is over. (You do still find some mean girls in college, especially in the sorority set. No bitterness there..I AM a sorority girl....but you guys KNOW it is true...) I guess I figured that any mean woman was simply a bitch....not a "mean girl". Surely you can't be serious; people grow out of that, right? NOPE. And don't call me Shirley.....

You know my newest addiction...CrossFit? Well, there are two mean girls there. JUST LIKE THE ONES IN HIGH SCHOOL. They look me up and down, turn up their noses, won't include me in conversation, pretend I am invisible, whisper, stare....the whole enchilada. The stuff that made certain parts of high school a misery. The stuff that made me feel left out, alien, not good enough, ugly, fat, nerdy...

But something is intrinsically different about this experience. You know what that is? I don't give two rats' asses about those women. They are nothing to me. I go to CrossFit for ME; I neither need nor want their approval. The fact that they will be there every morning when I get there doesn't make me want to stay home or go later. I'm fine with them being there; I just go into my little zone. I smile at them and go about my sweaty, crazy work. If they speak to me, great. If I speak to them and they answer, great. If not, no harm no foul. I'm just indifferent, and that is a weird experience for me.

It is too bad they don't want to be friends....too bad for them. From the looks of things, they have lots of life lessons to learn. They clearly have not emotionally grown much since high school, and that is unfortunate. Like me, they are both military spouses, and being a mean girl is no way to win friends and influence people. Someone down the line will probably make that point to them...and it probably won't be pretty.

But that person won't be me.

I had enough of mean girls in high school. But I have given that some thought too. I am Facebook friends with some of the same people I labeled "mean girls" back then, and they have become lovely people...or were they always good people at heart? Maybe they too were just trying to navigate the uncertain waters of adolescence. Is it their fault that they got dealt better cards somehow...fell in with the right friends? Looking back on it, I doubt they sat around plotting ways to make my friends and me feel left out.... I think it is just a part of human nature to feel more secure in one's own status by leaving someone else out. You know, a club isn't really very much fun if EVERYONE can be a member. There have to be RULES!!!! Right?!?

What does being a mean girl accomplish? Does anyone know? In adulthood, I mean. Life is really so much better and so much easier when we realize we are all on the same team. I kinda pity those chicks because they are missing out on some friendships with some great people. And I worry about what they are teaching THEIR kids about how to treat people. I would never let my kids see me act that way. My daughter  knows when I don't really someone because she knows me, but not because I treat that person any differently. If anything, I try to treat the people I don't like with even more politeness and care.

So do mean girls ever go away? Apparently not. But what does go away is our willingness to allow those people to hold some kind of sway over us. I wish I had realized in high school that my character is not shaped by what other people think I am. We give people power. As Dr. Phil (whose methods I really disagree with in almost all cases but I think he is really right about this one thing) says, we teach people how to treat us. In other words:

What Veteran's Day Means to Me

Today is Veteran's Day. I guess when I was growing up. I knew what a veteran was. I guess I knew that my grandfathers and my great uncles had fought in WWII and that my dad had been in the National Guard. No one really talked about it much; it was as though once they put that behind them and moved on, it hadn't even really happened. I know I never grasped the importance of the word veteran; if I ever DID her a "war" story, it was about something stupid or funny that happened. None of my relatives made the military their career, and so my ideas about the army were formed almost solely from watching M*A*S*H.

But now I know...I REALLY get it. My children will never be in the position of blissful ignorance that I was in. The words "selfless service" aren't abstract to us; we understand that it means missing birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and special events. It means leaving your family behind serve in remote places to defend people whose lives/religions/cultures we might not even understand. It means that our soldier will put his life on hold for a year (or more) at a times...while the world here continues to move on. It means there will always be time missing from his life--things the kids and I did together that when we reminisce about them, my husband gets left out.

We know, but try not to dwell on the fact, that there is a possibility (or reality for some families) that our loved one will not come home---at least maybe not alive. Or that he will come home forever changed...that even though he is here in body, part of him will be left behind downrange. He might be damaged--plagued with night terrors, nervous in crowds, jumpy around loud noises. Things like the 4th of July might never be fun again.

And as clichéd as it might sound, our loved ones volunteer for this because they believe in the American way. They go, they do their jobs, and they don't even complain much. While they don't relish the separation or the danger, they cope with it in order to defend and represent the US.

I am proud of my veteran and all veterans today and every day. Today is simply the day set aside to make sure I say it aloud. I honor the sacrifice of all veterans, especially the veterans who made the ultimate sacrifice. My utmost respect and gratitude go out to Gold Star families today...their sacrifice makes our way of life possible.

Where Do I Live Again? Ah, Military Life...

My friend Janene made me laugh today when she posted that e-card. This is one of the little joys of army life. :) 

I have to remind myself that not everyone would understand why this is such an issue. There are days I wake up and think to myself, "What is the zip code here again?" Yesterday that happened to me at the gas station. 

Right after we move to a new place, I'm always a little afraid to even try to get gas...I know the pump will ask me for my zip code if I use credit, and I'm never sure whether Rick has changed the zip code with the company or not. Hmmm. Do I put in the OLD zip code? If that doesn't work, do I even KNOW the new one? Maybe I'll just use debit....

So fast forward to the job search. Job applications are a challenge...a memory game. It is like my own personal mental exercise....I don't need that Luminosity.com website; I can just try to complete a job application on the spot. Name? Got it. Current address? Ummmmm...yeah yeah, I remember. Phone number? Don't have one...use cell. Social Security number? Ummmm...wait...I know this one....412...no no that's his. (If you are unaware of this little fun military fact, everything we do on post pretty much requires us to use the SS# on the military member...they NEVER want to know mine. At one point after I had been a stay-at-home mom for a long time, I couldn't even REMEMBER my own SS#). Oh yeah. Got it. Criminal convictions? No. But then....

Please list your home addresses for the last 5 years. (sometimes it is the last TEN years!). Uh-oh.

In the last five years, I have lived in three different homes in three different states. 

In the last TEN years, I have lived in SIX different homes in FIVE different states. 

Home address? Nope. And phone number? GET OUT. YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS RIGHT NOW.

You know those discount cards you get at stores that go on your keychain? Like your Kroger card or your Harris Teeter card? Yeah, I have tons of those, but I don't always carry that keychain. No problem, you say. They can look it up by your phone number. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Yep, hey sure can. If you can remember what that number is...or where you even LIVED when you got that card. I finally wised up and started using my cell number since I am not going to ever change that. The clerks in the stores really look at you funny when you say, "Um, well, try THIS number and see what happens..." I even just gave up and started using my mom's Nashville phone number at Harris Teeter. It's just easier...that's my childhood phone number. :)

The application process isn't really SUPPOSED to be an intelligence test, right? 

I know that all my military wife friends will agree with me when I tell you that we remember the past in relation to where we were living at the time. That time I went to see Leigh when she lived in England? Oh that was while we lived in TX before Rick was deployed to Iraq.  Remember when Sarah was in kindergarten? Yeah, that was the year we lived in Charlottesville, VA. That time Shelly and I made a scene in the store when she spilled the varnish? Oh yeah. I remember. That's when we lived in Germany. 

Strangely enough, Army life does seem to get compartmentalized like that. And that isn't a bad thing...it actually helps me remember some things. My life doesn't "all run together." But it is really odd to see it all mapped out on a job application. So clinical. I wish there was a way to let those employers know how much each of those places mean to me. :)

Childhood Ruined...And Its Cost

Today, I read this article that I found quite profound. Here's the link:

21 Shameful Ways We Are Forcing Children To Be Sissies

I don't know that I agree with the word sissies...first, because I don't even like that word; it is a bully's word. But secondly, I also think it is a word that is generally used to describe boys and this isn't just a boy issue.

I have made TONS of mistakes parenting, and I continue to make mistakes every single freaking day. I lose my temper, I yell, I go overboard, I don't have enough patience. But one mistake I haven't made is making my kids too dependent. I love them like crazy and would do anything for them, and because of that, I want them to learn to stand on their own two feet. I'm not always going to be there; I want them to reach adulthood with the skills to survive.

For example, I haven't sat at a table and done homework with a child NIGHTLY since my kids were in, oh, second grade or so. After that, I expected them to do homework on their own and ask for help as needed. Because homework is THEIR job. I have other stuff to do at night besides sit beside them and watch them work. I have always been more than willing to stop what I was doing to help with work they don't understand or a project or to quiz a child on spelling, but I should not have to stand over my children and "make sure" they complete their homework. And I'm not going to. A good teacher knows that homework is supposed to be practice of the stuff they learned in class that day...not new stuff they can't do alone. My kids know what is expected, and they do it. And I assume that they will. If I discovered differently, I would lower the boom on them, but that has never really happened.

I also try really hard to let my kids express themselves, both in their looks and in their ideas. If my daughter wants her hair dip-dyed purple, we dip-dye it purple. So what? It is HAIR. Color it, cut it, heck shave it off...doesn't matter. It grows back. When she wanted to dress "like a boy" every day, I let her. I didn't love it and occasionally I would suggest maybe she could TRY something girlier, but I didn't push. My son HATES getting his hair cut....so it grows. So what? I also try not to get involved with friend-related issues, and that is really hard sometimes especially with the girl child. If one of the children has a friend that makes my skin crawl, I will ask about that kid in an effort to find out what my kid sees in him/her. I might even warn my child, but I do NOT forbid friendships...I refuse to force my kids to sneak around.

I also don't really believe in harassing the kids about their rooms. I mean, if company is coming, then I will ask them to clean it, but if not, that's really kinda on them. If they want to live in a pig sty, more power to em. My room was ALWAYS a wreck when I was a teen, and it is a wreck sometimes now because mine is the last room in the house to get cleaned. Do I sometimes mention it? Of course. And I REALLY don't want dishes left in their rooms...that's my only real rule.

 And as far as ideas, we try to talk about it. Sometimes that is hard because if you remember ANYTHING about being a teen, you remember how little you thought your parents knew. Sometimes I get irritated and have to walk away, but I am glad they have their own ideas....even if sometimes I walk away feeling like my son just wants to watch the world burn. LOL. And if we argue about ideas, in some weird way it makes me really proud. I am very happy when they stick to what they believe even when I disapprove or disagree.

And above all, I try to be as honest as possible with them. I know my husband thinks that I overshare with the kids, and I am guilty as charged. But I grew up in a family in a time when people kept lots of secrets, and I don't want my kids to feel like they never know what is going on. Sometimes I'm probably more brutally honest than I have to be, but that is just the person I am. When they know I will tell them the truth, I feel like they also know that they can trust me...I'm always on their side even when I don't agree or approve. I support them.

Do I overindulge them? Of course. Do I always hold them as responsible for things as I should? Not even close. Do I have pretty high expectations of them? Oh boy, do I. And do they live up to them? You betcha.

Pulling Back the Curtain on Love and Marriage

It is going to be a stormy day here in Fayetteville, NC, so it is the perfect time for me to write to you, Constant Reader. (Ha. That makes me sound like Stephen King...he always calls us "Constant Reader"..) My topic for the day is going to be love. I was inspired by two things this week. First I was inspired by a quote someone posted on Facebook (ignore any grammar and subject/verb agreement errors):

                       The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly

                       you'll see their flaws. That's just the way it is. That is way marriages fail,

                       why children are abandoned, why friendships don't last. You might think

                       you love someone until you see they way they act when they're out of

                       money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness sake. Love is something

                       different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in 

                       spite of their filthy hearts. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love

                       is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it's seeing the darkness in another

                       person and defying the impulse to jump ship. 

And second, I was inspired by a conversation I had at CrossFit when the girls found out how long I had been married. They asked me why I thought some people lasted and others didn't. It was shocking how closely my answer actually  paralleled the above quote without me even reading it. 

I guess I always assumed (we know what that means) that everyone knew that real love isn't an emotion but is an action. Clearly that isn't the case. I think society has been wooed by some fairy tale of what "love" is...they have confused "falling in love" with loving. Falling in love is a temporary thing that involves WAAAYYY too much adrenalin for a person's body to sustain forever. Just like falling off a cliff, the "falling" will eventually end....and it will end with the same huge THUD! as the cliff if you don't know the end is coming. And that isn't a bad thing. You know that expression about when one thing ends, another begins? Same here. Falling in love changes into something so much deeper, Truly loving is such a profound thing, but it doesn't just happen. It requires WORK. You are going to wake up some days, roll over, see the person on the other side of the bed, resplendent with morning breath, bedhead, and a cranky attitude and think, "I don't like him/her much today." And that's OK. You guys are going to fight, argue, whatever you choose to call it to make yourself feel better. You are going to get mad. But guess what? It passes. If you really love each other, it passes. If your attitude is, "We work it out," then you work it out. You listen to each other. You try to walk in each other's shoes. You compromise. You accept that the other person is going to have little foibles and habits that annoy...so do you! :) 

Let me tell you one of my famous secrets....the "falling in love" isn't going to be what helps get you through when your spouse is really sick and needs you to hold her hair while she vomits, or, God forbid, clean him up when he is bedridden. "Falling in love" isn't going to keep you together if you have a tragedy. "Falling in love" isn't going to keep you together if one of you gains 100 pounds or loses your job. Love really is hard. Love really takes effort and sometimes you are going to wonder if it is worth it. It IS. But BOTH of you have to believe that. And BOTH of you have to work. The work isn't always going to be 50-50 though, and you need to accept that too. That isn't how it works. Some days is will be, but other days it might be 70-30 or even 90-10...that may be all your spouse has to give that day. But over the course of a lifetime together it will balance out if the commitment is there. 

This isn't a lecture from the ivory tower. I know what I am talking about because I have been in the trenches. My marriage almost fell apart. But my husband and I managed to pull it out of the fire because we decided that it was worth fighting for. Our marriage is the most valuable treasure I have. My husband doesn't COMPLETE me, I am a complete person by myself. See, that "you complete me" thing was thrust on us by Jerry McGuire, but if you think about it, you will realize how stupidly dependent (not romantic) that really sounds. But without him in my life, I would lose my first line of defense....my defender, my confidant, my personal comedian, my most trusted advisor, and the human with whom I have the most intimate relationship. Life would be pretty colorless. I will do whatever is necessary to NEVER find out what it is like to be without him in my life. 

I'm not trying to say that there still wouldn't be reasons that marriages fail. Stuff happens. But all in all, I think people just throw in the towel as soon as something looks broken. We have become a society of people who don't know how to repair things, we just buy new stuff. But even new stuff comes with its own problems. If it is REALLY love, it is worth fighting for.