I see these inspirational things all over Facebook. Wonderful, right? I guess some people might think this is the point of love. I don't though; I disagree with even the basic premise. I don't love like that.
I have a couple of best friends, but I'm going to tell you about one of them today. She's my "adult" bestie. She's like all the rest of us; she has a face for the public and then the one that is more private. The public face is fantastic---everyone loves her. She is the first one to volunteer for everything. She has the most patient, elementary teacher kind voice. She loves animals and children. She makes everyone around her feel important. She always looks perfect--perfect clothes, hair, everything. She is a beautiful, lively, happy woman of God. Seriously, everyone loves her. How could they not? She has scads of friends and everyone wants to spend time with her.
My friend is all those things; it isn't a mask. But she is so much more than that.
The public face is OK I guess, but she isn't the one I love.
I can't tell you why I love her because I don't feel qualified to discuss the whys and wherefores of love, but I can tell you some of the things I love about her. She won't like it; she might not even believe it. She might say that some of these things are qualities she hates. But here it is:
The one I love cackles when she laughs at something truly funny. I love that sound so much. I suspect from things she has said in the past that she sees the cackle as somehow unattractive; I couldn't disagree more. It's a beautiful sound. She also makes funny noises when she sees cute animals. She comes up with all sorts of nicknames for her pets.
The one I love has a bad temper and can be a little passive-aggressive when she's angry. (It sometimes takes me by surprise, but I cherish it; it is real. I have a really bad temper too, and the fact that she has a temper makes me feel very validated.) Her temper doesn't scare me off; it just lets me know she really FEELS. ...plus, I'm not convinced it is really as bad as all that. She hasn't stabbed anyone yet, so I mean....
The one I love likes wine and sometimes swears. I adore that. And hearing her use profanity so flies in the face of who she LOOKS like she is that it almost makes me laugh....I just adore it. I like swearing friends...so sue me. They make me feel like I can be myself; I trust people who swear. She really tries not to, but I know she at least thinks it, and that's enough for me.
The one I love has a dark sense of humor; she jokes about making people disappear and running off to tropical islands without batting an eye. She makes me laugh at all the wrong times. We talk and text about stuff that would make anyone else contact Homeland Security. Nobody makes me laugh quite like she does...it sometimes makes me make that donkey sound or no sound comes out at all. Sometimes my side hurts from laughing.
She gives me a sense of peace when I am with her that I don't really have many other times.
The one I love sometimes is a little time-challenged. Her life can be really messy; her family is complicated. She forgets to call me back. She worries too much. She's easily distracted.
And I LOVE her for all of it.
I don't love her DESPITE these things. I love her BECAUSE of these things.
I WANT her to be real. I want her to call/text me and unload all her baggage. Of course, I want to hear all her happy things, but I really want to hear all of her not-so-happy things. I want to both celebrate and cry with her, but the truth is that ANYONE could celebrate with her. I want to be with her even when she might consider herself "unfit for human consumption". I want her to know that I am always there, and there will never come a time that she isn't my family. There is nothing too awful, nothing that will make me turn away. I would hold back her hair while she vomited; I would sit with her even if she were contagious.
All I really know is that MY version of her is perfect just the way she is---perfectly imperfect in every way; she doesn't have to change or pretend. All I know is that I love her. She is fearfully and wonderfully made; I love every single inch of her every single day. She is just so beautiful to me.....beautiful hair, eyes, nose...she even has beautiful fingers. Yeah, I said fingers. Every day I think that I love her as much as is humanly possible and then a new day comes and I love her more.
So she might be the only person who ever really sees this. And that's fine. She's the only one who really needs to hear it. Or maybe I just needed to say it.
And for those people who only get to see the public face, it is their loss. But I'm not sorry. I'm glad I get to see a part of her that most others don't.
