Teaching and Autism

This has been a crazy week.
New student.
Completely new classroom dynamic.
Ignorant comments.
Hurtful looks.
Trying to help other teachers sort things out.
Trying to not make my boss's life more complicated.
My own personal problems.
Fits.
Tears.
Tantrums.
And that was just me....LOL
Like I said, crazy week.

Autism is hard. Really hard. But you know what is harder? Overcoming ignorance. Especially when it comes from, people who ought to know better. My students-all the students in the AU program--are just KIDS, and they have dreams and feelings just like every other kid. And they are cute, funny, amazing, and they teach me stuff EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

I happen to have the absolute greatest principal and assistant principal around; they are both super supportive....I am so grateful for that. They provide the opportunities for my students to be as "normal" as possible while still understanding that trying to do all the "normal" things might have limits or require accomodations. And that is such a relief and takes so many worries away from me.

I'm a teacher. Please don't call me an "educator" because that is a term that sounds ridiculously huaghty and self-important to me. I work alongside other fantastic teachers and support staff every day who are supposed to understand that children come in many different flavors. So tell me why it is that I get "the look" from some people when one of my students has a meltdown? One day this week, FIVE people came out to stare when this happened---and only ONE asked if I needed help or if there was anything she could do. But there WAS gawking and head-shaking by others. It took me by surprise because under most circumstances, our school has the best/most helpful people.

Well, welcome to autism. It wasn't a show; my student wasn't being a brat; and truth be told, it could have happened in any classroom in the building. Kids with autism don't corner the market on meltdowns.

On Friday at dismissal, this very same thing happened. There was a HUGE very public meltdown. And guess what?

IT WASN'T A STUDENT WITH AUTISM!!!!

Also this week, I heard the following words from a district employee who was visiting our school:
"It is just so sad. Can those children even learn ANYTHING???"

Seriously?!? WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. HECK???

 MY husband calls me the autism whisperer. Nothing could be farther from the truth, but I will take it!! :)  I'm no autism expert, I'm not even that good with people. Helping is just in my nature. I'm interested in breaking through walls with kids, and the working of the brain fascinates me. I want to understand people, and I want to meet my students at LEAST halfway.

Let me tell you some things that would help me out:

1. Don't say, "I don't know how you do it...." My job isn't miracle working and I believe anyone COULD do it but not everyone WANTS to do it. And that's OK. But I promise you that if your child had autism, you too could learn to relate and handle children with autism. No magic here.

2. Don't ask me how I get any teaching done. Obviously it is a struggle, but we slog through just like you do. I have to start in a different place than you do, but the methods are the same.

3. Don't ask, "Aren't you exhausted?" The answer is yes....everyday. But it doesn't matter. Aren't you tired every day?
4. Don't ask me questions that you should be asking my students. If you want to know how old the kids are or what they like or how they are feeling, ask them....not me. They have mouths. They aren't pets. If they can't or won't answer, I will answer for them, but you should ALWAYS treat them like they WILL answer. I spend every day teaching appropriate social skills, and it does no good if they never get a chance to practice them.
5. Don't talk t me about their diet/ immunizations/ or talk about autism as though it is a disease.

6. And don't count them out. DON'T. YOU. EVER. COUNT. THEM. OUT.

What Has Happened to Parents?

Yesterday my daughter was telling me about something that happened at her school. She characterized it as "unfair", but I am often leery of that particular word. In our house that often means, "anything that doesn't suit me". This time, though, she was spot on.

It seems that there was a girl at her school who tried out for the volleyball team. We might know a thing or two about that . Sarah tried out last year. Girls at her school have to choose whether to try out for volleyball or track, as they run simultaneously and girls can't do both. Last year Sarah chose poorly.

It wasn't really her fault, though. The assistant principal told us at registration that none of the girls would have experience playing (Sarah had never played before), so it wouldn't matter that she was new to the sport. That was oh so very false. Most every girl there had either played on the team previously, played rec/traveling volleyball, or both. After the first day of weeklong tryouts, Sarah wasn't even allowed to touch the ball. She had to keep going for the whole week to officially be cut, even though she knew it all week.

It was tough for her. She ALWAYS gets everything she tries out for. She had never been rejected. While I was sad for her, in reality I was kinda glad. Everyone needs to experience that so that they learn how to be a good loser as well as a good winner. I don't beleive you can be a truly good winner if you don't know how it feels to lose.

Back to this other girl though. When she found out that she didn't make it, she cried. In middle school. In front of people. OK so I will admit that I am a crier. But I WOULDN'T have cried where anyone could see me....actually I probably wouldn't have cried about that but even if I had I would have cried in private. Then she ran home and TOLD HER MOMMY. What happened next was both unbelievable and yet predictable.

Mom went to the school, raised hell with the coach.....and guess who's on the team now? What the actual hell? Really? So now she is on the team and all the other girls on the team hate her because she sucks at volleyball. What do you bet that when the other girls shun her, Mommy will be right back at the school complaining about how her daughter is being bullied? Guess what??? THAT'S NOT BULLYING. That would be what I call "schoolyard justice". The supposed adults won't handle it, so the kids feel like they have to.

When did this happen to our society? Since when do parents get to run things at school? Guess what? You might not feel like the tryout process is fair....so what? Life isn't fair. The bottom line is, that mom wasn't at practice, she isn't the coach, and SHE DOESN'T GET TO PICK. And I'm sure that if the coach benches the girl because she can't play, Mommy will get fired up about that too.

It just makes me angry that so many children are being raised with this sense of entitlement....of "everyone's a winner" and "you can be anything you want". You CAN'T be anything you want. If you can't sing, you aren't going to win American Idol. If you are terrible at math/science, you AREN'T going to be an engineer. Our world isn't going to get better until we start getting REAL with our kids and stop coddling them. Coddled, spoiled, entitled brats grow up into coddled, spoiled, entitled adults who have no work ethic and want everything given to them. Wake up, parents.