The Milltary Wife Using Deployment as an Excuse to Kill

Deployment sucks. I'm not going to lie. It really does. And there are LOTs of situations in which "my husband is deployed" is a perfectly acceptable excuse for why something got neglected or forgotten. Late for school? Sure. Forgot ball practice? Absolutely. Had to eat fast food dinner three nights in a row? Uh-huh. Shoes don't match? Of course. Kill my kid? Um...........

I remember reading about this when it first happened but apparently the trial is about to start. To catch up anyone who might have missed it, this military wife names Tiffany Klapheke allowed her  22 month old child to starve to death in a filth-ridden home reeking of urine and feces. She blames the death on the fact that no one helped or supported her while her husband was deployed and that she was stressed out from caring for her three small children...she has three children and she is only 22 herself. REALLY?!?!?!?!?!?

The first problem with that is that she had moved a BOYFRIEND into the house while her husband was gone. She apparently had time for him but not time to feed her almost 2 year old...you know, the kid that can TALK...can beg for food. This isn't an, "I feel asleep and the baby wandered outside and fell in the pool". She (and the boyfriend...who swears he had no idea that the child was in the other room starving...ok whatever) ignored the child's cries and pleas, not for hours or for a day....for DAYS. Plural. The child had chemical burns on her bottom from the feces and urine of the unchanged diaper.

But here is my biggest problem. Since when does taking even MINIMUM care of the kids you chose to have become the Army's responsibility? I bet if she had ASKED for help or let anyone know she was struggling, people would have come. It is a very convenient excuse. Family Support Groups exist for a reason. But it isn't anyone else's RESPONSIBILITY to care for those children.

I'm going to be honest. I haven't always had the best luck with people helping me. I never got more than one meal delivered when I had a baby. No one from my husband's command showed up when I miscarried my first baby. When my husband deployed the first time, I went out alone maybe 4 times, even though I had family living close by. When I thought we were getting divorced, people ran from me like I had the plague. When he was deployed this last time, I was working fulltime, going to grad school at night, shuttling kids to activities after school every day of the week, and still cooking and cleaning and managing to keep people alive without much help. When Rick had his back surgery, no one brought meals or asked if I needed anything or came with me while I sat alone in the waiting room in another city. But you know what? I NEVER ASKED EITHER. I bet people would have helped if they knew I needed it, and I DID need it. But when you look strong and act like you have it all together, people forget to offer.

There are all kind of programs out there at ACS (Army Community Service) for deployed families. Free childcare hours, free dinners monthly with childcare provided, parenting classes, counseling, etc. She didn't avail herself of any of that. It is really easy to try to use the Army as a scapegoat for this child's death, but that is not even one bit fair.

This is the face of Tamryn Klapheke:

These are the little eyes that cried from hunger until she got too weak to do that anymore. This is the face of the child that was just too big a burden for her selfish, ridiculous bitch of a mother to care for. This didn't happen because Tamryn's daddy was deployed; this happened because Tamryn's mom is evil. I don't have any other words for it. 

Don't Be a Jerkface. Seriously.

I have decided that while some of us were learning manners from our parents, other people were being raised by wolves....and not polite wolves. Actually wolves are too nice....more like snarling, rabid, mutant kodiak bears with a taste for human flesh.

And nowhere is this more evident that at the mall or Walmart or Target. There are just some things that you just DON'T do. They are rude, folks. And if you are guilty, change. :)

1. If you bump into me in the mall, say excuse me. 

2. If you see people coming the opposite direction, move over enough to make room so that you don't HAVE to bump into anyone. If that means that you and your 12 friends have to walk single file for 30 seconds, deal with it. 

3. You do not have to scream at each other to be heard. You also don't have to laugh obnoxiously loud. You may not realize that we all KNOW you are just trying to get everyone's attention, but we do. It is stupid; stop.

4. When coming out of a side aisle into the main aisle, look first. Pretend you are in your car. It will avoid us crashing our carts into each other. If I am in the main aisle, I shouldn't have to watch for you.

5. If you take your cart to the parking lot, put it in the cart return. The 10 extra steps it takes isn't the end of the world. That is just laziness. If you don't want to walk far, do what I do and park next to the cart return.

6. Do not walk down the middle of the parking lot aisle. I should not have to go 1 mile an hour behind you while you saunter to your vehicle.  Pick a side. You aren't royalty...you aren't that important.

7. When walking down aisles or climbing stairs, stay to the right. Again, just like in your car. Then there wouldn't be a traffic jam.

8. Hold the door for people if they are right behind you...no matter your gender or theirs. 

9. Do not leave your trash in the cart for someone else to deal with. Clean up after yourself. 

10. If you decide against buying something, put it back where you got it (esp if it is a refrigerated or frozen item)

11. DO NOT SPIT OUT GUM ON THE GROUND!!!!! EVER EVER EVER

12. Be kind to the cashiers and other workers...whether they are working hard or not. Be friendly, say hello, ask how their day has been, and try not to talk on the phone while checking out. Treat them like PEOPLE.  

13. Stop driving around and around the parking lot looking for a better space. If you have to walk a few extra feet, so what? Generally speaking, the people I observe doing this the most are the people who could most use the exercise. 

14. And don't let your kid tear around the store causing mayhem. If you have chosen to go to the store during what should be your child's naptime or late at night, you cannot then yell at, spank, or berate your child for acting out. YOU are the one who is wrong. (and as an addendum, stop telling your child over and over to stop doing something. Either actually make your child stop or give up. The rest of us don't want to listen to you yell "stop touching that" 500 times. Move him or take it away)

Basically, just use common courtesy. But that isn't so common anymore.