You know that Abilify commercial where the woman is being followed around by the dark cloud? I feel like that but mine isn't a dark cloud of depression. It is weird little squiggles that represent thoughts....stupid thoughts...thoughts about stuff from 10 years ago...stuff from high school....stuff from when we lived in Virginia....it is like PTSD. I relive situations over and over, and I even live out scenarios of things that haven't happened yet and conversations I haven't had.
This is how my head feels any time I am alone:
This is why I HATE to be alone. I don't do this too much when people are with me. If I am having REAL conversations, the imaginary ones are unnecessary. My mind just HAS to fill up any quiet time. This is why I have ALWAYS listened to music or had the TV on when I am home alone or am trying to study.
If you do not have intrusive thoughts, I cannot imagine what you do with your spare time. LOL I have never known a time without them. I would call them my oldest friends, but I HATE THEIR GUTS WITH A FIERY PASSION. They remind me of all the things from the past that have EVER hurt me...they make me feel like a puppet. No wonder I HATE puppets!
And today, the thoughts are all about jealousy. Those are the thoughts I will be fighting off today.
It's stupid and a waste of time and I don't want to have those thoughts anymore but I don't know how to make them stop. This is what I am going to tell myself today:
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