When I originally started writing this blog, I thought I was going to use it for amusing observations and stories, but I quickly realized that I could put those things on my Facebook wall because EVERYONE likes those. This blog has morphed into something that is all about my favorite topic---relationships.
Today I want to talk about trust. A couple of weeks ago, I was involved in a situation that tested the trust between a person I love and me. It tested whether our relationship was such that I would believe her words over those of another person--a person who set out to hurt me in order to hurt her.
So how did I decide who to believe? I didn't decide. I trusted.
I don't trust very many people. Instead, I am exceedingly honest about who I am with pretty much everyone. While some people think that makes me an oversharer, I really do it because if everyone knows all about me, there is not a lot people can say about me to violate my trust. But when I do decide to trust someone, I really trust. That has sometimes come back to haunt me in really unpleasant ways.
People also tend to trust me and disclose things to me that they have no reason to, and that has put me in all kinds of awkward positions. Once, I moved to a new place and went into a shop where the SIL of someone I know worked. The lady behind the counter asked how I heard about the shop and when I told her that my friend's SIL worked there, the lady launched into a diatribe about my friend's SIL (who I don't know) and told me all kinds of things I didn't want to know. Well, maybe you already know what happened then. After I left, the lady realized she shouldn't have said all that and told my friend's SIL that a woman had come in asking all kinds of questions. Ummmm. I didn't ask her a damn thing. But imagine trying to explain that to my friend. Stuff like that happens to me all the time. I have one of those faces or something that makes people tell me things, but then they regret it. And i ALWAYS regret it...I don't want to know all that.
But here's my point. If you have someone in your life who trusts you, VALUE IT. Don't ever give that person a reason to doubt you. Once doubt creeps in, trust is never really the same.
I'm not saying that a broken trust is the end of a relationship...not at all. But trust is like a piece of paper....breaking a trust is like wadding the paper up into a ball and then smoothing it back out. You can still write on it and read it, but it will never be the same paper it was before you wadded it up. The creases will always be there. I have some people in my life who have broken my trust in the past, and I love them very much. But I will never trust them in the same whole-hearted way I did before.
I hope that my friend appreciates that I believed in her...in us. Our relationship hasn't always been the easiest---soooo easy face-to-face but more complicated long distance because we have very different approaches to friendship and need very different things. Sometimes we have misunderstandings because of those differences. But the relationship is very important to me and so is worth any petty misunderstandings. I trust her. I always have. Hopefully, I always will. And I hope she feels the same. I haven't ever violated her trust and never would. Frankly, I would never violate ANYONE'S trust unless I felt that it was necessary to keep that person safe.
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