Did You Think Life Would Be Like This?

Have you ever looked back on the way you THOUGHT your life was going to be and wanted to say, "What the heck?" Not in a bad way...not that you regret your choices or anything. But because the way you thought things would be are SO different from what actually happened?

Do you ever have trouble letting go of some of those things?

I do.

Here's a couple of pictures of someone trying to get me to let go of an idea when I think I'm right:







I have a beautiful, wonderful family. I have a husband who loves me and has been with me for the past 23 years. I have to great children, a boy and a girl. (which BTW is EXACTLY what I always wanted....when I played the game Life, that is what I always hoped for.) I have a great house, I have lived in lots of interesting places, I got to live in Europe, I went back to school to do what I really wanted to do....awesome life.

How is it different though?

Well...

I always thought I would marry someone older and foreign.....that is totally different, but God knew SO much better what I needed in a spouse. I did SO much better than what I imagined.



I thought I would become a very respected professor teaching English at a university....that is clearly not what I am called to do and I'm OK with that too. Here's what THAT might have looked like:

I thought Rick was going to want to go into the political arena....I'm actually pretty relieved that his interest in that has waned.



I thought I would always be close to my besties and that our children would grow up together...THAT ONE has been pretty tough to let go of...

But HERE is the real rub for me.....I always thought I would have one of those families where we went and DID stuff...camping, hiking, biking, ziplining, going to the beach, exploring new places, skiing...super active things. That we would know all our neighbors and they would come over and hang out on our patio...we would have block parties and deck crawls. But that is just not who we are as a family. They like to go to the movies, play video games, watch YouTube, go to amusement parks. I want to eat fresh fruits and vegetables; they want Pop Tarts. Nothing wrong with any of that, and sometimes I like to do those things too. But I have TONS of energy that needs to be expended...AND too much downtime lets me spend too much time in my own head....and that isn't good for me. And I want to find some things that Rick and I really like doing together because our kids aren't going to be around forever. At some point, Rick and I will be empty nesters, and we need some activities in common. I HATE sitting around the house. I need people and experiences.




 And I don't need to do things alone. If you watch Dr. Who and you remember the episode "Angels Take Manhattan" in which Rory and Amy die, Amy wrote an afterward in the book that says this:



"Sometimes I do worry about you though. I think once we're gone, you won't be coming back here for a while. And you might be alone, which you should never be. Don't be alone, Doctor." 

That's me in a nutshell.

I've really got to figure out a way to make myself OK with the way things REALLY are. After all these years, I still keep expecting to wake up every day and everyone in the house will be eager to go out and do something new. And I feel that I am the one who needs to change my mindset since I am only one person and there are three other people in the house who are seemingly OK with the way things are. I'm smart, right? I ought to be able to figure this out. I'm not going to stop trying to find something...and I'm sure I will. If this is the worst problem I have, I'm a pretty lucky girl. :)