Let's Talk About Depression

OK. It's confessional time in the Big Brother House. I struggle with depression. There. I Said it. Aloud. Sorta. On the Interwebs. :)

Wow. That's a little freeing.

I have struggled with depression for most of my life. Not every day or even every week or month. I can potentially go for long stretches and feel quite OK....but it comes back.( Anti-depressants really aren't a viable option for me; their benefits do not outweigh their side effects. And to be honest, I don't think it is an option to pop a pill for the rest of my life. Better living through pharmacology isn't really my way. )

And that, ladies and gentlemen, has always made me feel weak. It is what sometimes makes me loathe myself.....my face, my voice, my body. This is the reason I'm always looking for activities that makes me feel strong and tough, like CrossFit, kickboxing, standard boxing, etc. It makes me feel inadequate and like people can't possibly care about me. It whispers in my ear when I'm feeling vulnerable. Depression IS A LIAR.

And after all these years, I know this. I really do. (Sometimes I need reminding though).

But depression doesn't define me. I don't want people to feel sorry for me; it isn't like that. It really isn't any different that if I told you I have diabetes or asthma.  Depressed or not, I still get out of bed every day. I still smile, laugh, and look around for the positive things. I try to be a help to others; an outward focus seems to make the depression go away. Holidays and my current unemployment status can sometimes be tough, especially in a new place, but I plan to stay as busy as I can.

And depression won't win.

So, look. If any of this sounds like you, don't be ashamed. I bet you would be surprised to know how many people feel this way. Don't hide. Get out and do things, even when you don't want to. Reach out to people. But no wallowing......ok ok. Maybe you can have a couple of wallowing, sweatpants and ice cream days a year, Everyone is entitled to that. :)